Kenilworth Page 3

  CHAPTER II.

  Talk you of young Master Lancelot? --MERCHANT OF VENICE.

  After some brief interval, Master Goldthred, at the earnest instigationof mine host, and the joyous concurrence of his guest, indulged thecompany with, the following morsel of melody:--

  "Of all the birds on bush or tree, Commend me to the owl, Since he may best ensample be To those the cup that trowl. For when the sun hath left the west, He chooses the tree that he loves the best, And he whoops out his song, and he laughs at his jest; Then, though hours be late and weather foul, We'll drink to the health of the bonny, bonny owl.

  "The lark is but a bumpkin fowl, He sleeps in his nest till morn; But my blessing upon the jolly owl, That all night blows his horn. Then up with your cup till you stagger in speech, And match me this catch till you swagger and screech, And drink till you wink, my merry men each; For, though hours be late and weather be foul, We'll drink to the health of the bonny, bonny owl."

  "There is savour in this, my hearts," said Michael, when the mercer hadfinished his song, "and some goodness seems left among you yet; but whata bead-roll you have read me of old comrades, and to every man's nametacked some ill-omened motto! And so Swashing Will of Wallingford hathbid us good-night?"

  "He died the death of a fat buck," said one of the party, "being shotwith a crossbow bolt, by old Thatcham, the Duke's stout park-keeper atDonnington Castle."

  "Ay, ay, he always loved venison well," replied Michael, "and a cupof claret to boot--and so here's one to his memory. Do me right, mymasters."

  When the memory of this departed worthy had been duly honoured,Lambourne proceeded to inquire after Prance of Padworth.

  "Pranced off--made immortal ten years since," said the mercer; "marry,sir, Oxford Castle and Goodman Thong, and a tenpenny-worth of cord, bestknow how."

  "What, so they hung poor Prance high and dry? so much for loving to walkby moonlight. A cup to his memory, my masters-all merry fellows likemoonlight. What has become of Hal with the Plume--he who lived nearYattenden, and wore the long feather?--I forget his name."

  "What, Hal Hempseed?" replied the mercer. "Why, you may remember he wasa sort of a gentleman, and would meddle in state matters, and so hegot into the mire about the Duke of Norfolk's affair these two or threeyears since, fled the country with a pursuivant's warrant at his heels,and has never since been heard of."

  "Nay, after these baulks," said Michael Lambourne, "I need hardlyinquire after Tony Foster; for when ropes, and crossbow shafts, andpursuivant's warrants, and such-like gear, were so rife, Tony couldhardly 'scape them."

  "Which Tony Foster mean you?" said the innkeeper.

  "Why, him they called Tony Fire-the-Fagot, because he brought a lightto kindle the pile round Latimer and Ridley, when the wind blew out JackThong's torch, and no man else would give him light for love or money."

  "Tony Foster lives and thrives," said the host. "But, kinsman, I wouldnot have you call him Tony Fire-the-Fagot, if you would not brook thestab."

  "How! is he grown ashamed on't?" said Lambourne, "Why, he was wont toboast of it, and say he liked as well to see a roasted heretic as aroasted ox."

  "Ay, but, kinsman, that was in Mary's time," replied the landlord, "whenTony's father was reeve here to the Abbot of Abingdon. But since that,Tony married a pure precisian, and is as good a Protestant, I warrantyou, as the best."

  "And looks grave, and holds his head high, and scorns his oldcompanions," said the mercer.

  "Then he hath prospered, I warrant him," said Lambourne; "for ever whena man hath got nobles of his own, he keeps out of the way of those whoseexchequers lie in other men's purchase."

  "Prospered, quotha!" said the mercer; "why, you remember Cumnor Place,the old mansion-house beside the churchyard?"

  "By the same token, I robbed the orchard three times--what of that?It was the old abbot's residence when there was plague or sickness atAbingdon."

  "Ay," said the host, "but that has been long over; and Anthony Fosterhath a right in it, and lives there by some grant from a great courtier,who had the church-lands from the crown. And there he dwells, and hasas little to do with any poor wight in Cumnor, as if he were himself abelted knight."

  "Nay," said the mercer, "it is not altogether pride in Tony neither;there is a fair lady in the case, and Tony will scarce let the light ofday look on her."

  "How!" said Tressilian, who now for the first time interfered intheir conversation; "did ye not say this Foster was married, and to aprecisian?"

  "Married he was, and to as bitter a precisian as ever ate flesh in Lent;and a cat-and-dog life she led with Tony, as men said. But she is dead,rest be with her! and Tony hath but a slip of a daughter; so it isthought he means to wed this stranger, that men keep such a coil about."

  "And why so?--I mean, why do they keep a coil about her?" saidTressilian.

  "Why, I wot not," answered the host, "except that men say she is asbeautiful as an angel, and no one knows whence she comes, and every onewishes to know why she is kept so closely mewed up. For my part, I neversaw her--you have, I think, Master Goldthred?"

  "That I have, old boy," said the mercer. "Look you, I was riding hitherfrom Abingdon. I passed under the east oriel window of the old mansion,where all the old saints and histories and such-like are painted. It wasnot the common path I took, but one through the Park; for the posterndoor was upon the latch, and I thought I might take the privilege of anold comrade to ride across through the trees, both for shading, as theday was somewhat hot, and for avoiding of dust, because I had on mypeach-coloured doublet, pinked out with cloth of gold."

  "Which garment," said Michael Lambourne, "thou wouldst willingly maketwinkle in the eyes of a fair dame. Ah! villain, thou wilt never leavethy old tricks."

  "Not so-not so," said the mercer, with a smirking laugh--"not altogetherso--but curiosity, thou knowest, and a strain of compassion withal; forthe poor young lady sees nothing from morn to even but Tony Foster, withhis scowling black brows, his bull's head, and his bandy legs."

  "And thou wouldst willingly show her a dapper body, in a silkenjerkin--a limb like a short-legged hen's, in a cordovan boot--and around, simpering, what-d'ye-lack sort of a countenance, set off with avelvet bonnet, a Turkey feather, and a gilded brooch? Ah! jolly mercer,they who have good wares are fond to show them!--Come, gentles, letnot the cup stand--here's to long spurs, short boots, full bonnets, andempty skulls!"

  "Nay, now, you are jealous of me, Mike," said Goldthred; "and yet myluck was but what might have happened to thee, or any man."

  "Marry confound thine impudence," retorted Lambourne; "thou wouldst notcompare thy pudding face, and sarsenet manners, to a gentleman, and asoldier?"

  "Nay, my good sir," said Tressilian, "let me beseech you will notinterrupt the gallant citizen; methinks he tells his tale so well, Icould hearken to him till midnight."

  "It's more of your favour than of my desert," answered Master Goldthred;"but since I give you pleasure, worthy Master Tressilian, I shallproceed, maugre all the gibes and quips of this valiant soldier, who,peradventure, hath had more cuffs than crowns in the Low Countries. Andso, sir, as I passed under the great painted window, leaving my reinloose on my ambling palfrey's neck, partly for mine ease, and partlythat I might have the more leisure to peer about, I hears me the latticeopen; and never credit me, sir, if there did not stand there the personof as fair a woman as ever crossed mine eyes; and I think I have lookedon as many pretty wenches, and with as much judgment, as other folks."

  "May I ask her appearance, sir?" said Tressilian.

  "Oh, sir," replied Master Goldthred, "I promise you, she was ingentlewoman's attire--a very quaint and pleasing dress, that might haveserved the Queen herself; for she had a forepart with body and sleeves,of ginger-coloured satin, which, in my judgment, must have cost by theyard some thirty shillings, lined with murrey taffeta, and laid down andguarded with two broad laces of gold and silver.
And her hat, sir, wastruly the best fashioned thing that I have seen in these parts, being oftawny taffeta, embroidered with scorpions of Venice gold, and having aborder garnished with gold fringe--I promise you, sir, an absoluteand all-surpassing device. Touching her skirts, they were in the oldpass-devant fashion."

  "I did not ask you of her attire, sir," said Tressilian, who had shownsome impatience during this conversation, "but of her complexion--thecolour of her hair, her features."

  "Touching her complexion," answered the mercer, "I am not so specialcertain, but I marked that her fan had an ivory handle, curiouslyinlaid. And then again, as to the colour of her hair, why, I canwarrant, be its hue what it might, that she wore above it a net of greensilk, parcel twisted with gold."

  "A most mercer-like memory!" said Lambourne. "The gentleman asks him ofthe lady's beauty, and he talks of her fine clothes!"

  "I tell thee," said the mercer, somewhat disconcerted, "I had littletime to look at her; for just as I was about to give her the good timeof day, and for that purpose had puckered my features with a smile--"

  "Like those of a jackanape simpering at a chestnut," said MichaelLambourne.

  "Up started of a sudden," continued Goldthred, without heeding theinterruption, "Tony Foster himself, with a cudgel in his hand--"

  "And broke thy head across, I hope, for thine impertinence," said hisentertainer.

  "That were more easily said than done," answered Goldthred indignantly;"no, no--there was no breaking of heads. It's true, he advanced hiscudgel, and spoke of laying on, and asked why I did not keep thepublic road, and such like; and I would have knocked him over the patehandsomely for his pains, only for the lady's presence, who might haveswooned, for what I know."

  "Now, out upon thee for a faint-spirited slave!" said Lambourne; "whatadventurous knight ever thought of the lady's terror, when he wentto thwack giant, dragon, or magician, in her presence, and for herdeliverance? But why talk to thee of dragons, who would be driven backby a dragon-fly. There thou hast missed the rarest opportunity!"

  "Take it thyself, then, bully Mike," answered Goldthred. "Yonder is theenchanted manor, and the dragon, and the lady, all at thy service, ifthou darest venture on them."

  "Why, so I would for a quartern of sack," said the soldier--"or stay: Iam foully out of linen--wilt thou bet a piece of Hollands against thesefive angels, that I go not up to the Hall to-morrow and force TonyFoster to introduce me to his fair guest?"

  "I accept your wager," said the mercer; "and I think, though thou hadsteven the impudence of the devil, I shall gain on thee this bout. Ourlandlord here shall hold stakes, and I will stake down gold till I sendthe linen."

  "I will hold stakes on no such matter," said Gosling. "Good now, mykinsman, drink your wine in quiet, and let such ventures alone. Ipromise you, Master Foster hath interest enough to lay you up inlavender in the Castle at Oxford, or to get your legs made acquaintedwith the town-stocks."

  "That would be but renewing an old intimacy, for Mike's shins and thetown's wooden pinfold have been well known to each other ere now," saidthe mercer; "but he shall not budge from his wager, unless he means topay forfeit."

  "Forfeit?" said Lambourne; "I scorn it. I value Tony Foster's wrath nomore than a shelled pea-cod; and I will visit his Lindabrides, by SaintGeorge, be he willing or no!"

  "I would gladly pay your halves of the risk, sir," said Tressilian, "tobe permitted to accompany you on the adventure."

  "In what would that advantage you, sir?" answered Lambourne.

  "In nothing, sir," said Tressilian, "unless to mark the skill and valourwith which you conduct yourself. I am a traveller who seeks for strangerencounters and uncommon passages, as the knights of yore did afteradventures and feats of arms."

  "Nay, if it pleasures you to see a trout tickled," answered Lambourne,"I care not how many witness my skill. And so here I drink success to myenterprise; and he that will not pledge me on his knees is a rascal, andI will cut his legs off by the garters!"

  The draught which Michael Lambourne took upon this occasion had beenpreceded by so many others, that reason tottered on her throne. Heswore one or two incoherent oaths at the mercer, who refused, reasonablyenough, to pledge him to a sentiment which inferred the loss of his ownwager.

  "Wilt thou chop logic with me," said Lambourne, "thou knave, with nomore brains than are in a skein of ravelled silk? By Heaven, I will cutthee into fifty yards of galloon lace!"

  But as he attempted to draw his sword for this doughty purpose, MichaelLambourne was seized upon by the tapster and the chamberlain, andconveyed to his own apartment, there to sleep himself sober at hisleisure.

  The party then broke up, and the guests took their leave; much moreto the contentment of mine host than of some of the company, who wereunwilling to quit good liquor, when it was to be had for free cost, solong as they were able to sit by it. They were, however, compelled toremove; and go at length they did, leaving Gosling and Tressilian in theempty apartment.

  "By my faith," said the former, "I wonder where our great folks findpleasure, when they spend their means in entertainments, and in playingmine host without sending in a reckoning. It is what I but rarelypractise; and whenever I do, by Saint Julian, it grieves me beyondmeasure. Each of these empty stoups now, which my nephew and his drunkencomrades have swilled off, should have been a matter of profit to one inmy line, and I must set them down a dead loss. I cannot, for my heart,conceive the pleasure of noise, and nonsense, and drunken freaks, anddrunken quarrels, and smut, and blasphemy, and so forth, when a manloses money instead of gaining by it. And yet many a fair estate is lostin upholding such a useless course, and that greatly contributes to thedecay of publicans; for who the devil do you think would pay for drinkat the Black Bear, when he can have it for nothing at my Lord's or theSquire's?"

  Tressilian perceived that the wine had made some impression even on theseasoned brain of mine host, which was chiefly to be inferred from hisdeclaiming against drunkenness. As he himself had carefully avoided thebowl, he would have availed himself of the frankness of the momentto extract from Gosling some further information upon the subjectof Anthony Foster, and the lady whom the mercer had seen in hismansion-house; but his inquiries only set the host upon a new theme ofdeclamation against the wiles of the fair sex, in which he brought, atfull length, the whole wisdom of Solomon to reinforce his own. Finally,he turned his admonitions, mixed with much objurgation, upon histapsters and drawers, who were employed in removing the relics of theentertainment, and restoring order to the apartment; and at length,joining example to precept, though with no good success, he demolisheda salver with half a score of glasses, in attempting to show how suchservice was done at the Three Cranes in the Vintry, then the mosttopping tavern in London. This last accident so far recalled him to hisbetter self, that he retired to his bed, slept sound, and awoke a newman in the morning.