The Pirate Page 7

  CHAPTER IV.

  This is no pilgrim's morning--yon grey mist Lies upon hill, and dale, and field, and forest, Like the dun wimple of a new-made widow; And, by my faith, although my heart be soft, I'd rather hear that widow weep and sigh, And tell the virtues of the dear departed, Than, when the tempest sends his voice abroad, Be subject to its fury.

  _The Double Nuptials._

  The spring was far advanced, when, after a week spent in sport andfestivity at Burgh-Westra, Mordaunt Mertoun bade adieu to the family,pleading the necessity of his return to Jarlshof. The proposal wascombated by the maidens, and more decidedly by Magnus himself: He saw nooccasion whatever for Mordaunt returning to Jarlshof. If his fatherdesired to see him, which, by the way, Magnus did not believe, Mr.Mertoun had only to throw himself into the stern of Sweyn's boat, orbetake himself to a pony, if he liked a land journey better, and hewould see not only his son, but twenty folk besides, who would be mosthappy to find that he had not lost the use of his tongue entirely duringhis long solitude; "although I must own," added the worthy Udaller,"that when he lived among us, nobody ever made less use of it."

  Mordaunt acquiesced both in what respected his father's taciturnity, andhis dislike to general society; but suggested, at the same time, thatthe first circumstance rendered his own immediate return morenecessary, as he was the usual channel of communication betwixt hisfather and others; and that the second corroborated the same necessity,since Mr. Mertoun's having no other society whatever seemed a weightyreason why his son's should be restored to him without loss of time. Asto his father's coming to Burgh-Westra, "they might as well," he said,"expect to see Sumburgh Cape come thither."

  "And that would be a cumbrous guest," said Magnus. "But you will stopfor our dinner to-day? There are the families of Muness, Quendale,Thorslivoe, and I know not who else, are expected; and, besides thethirty that were in house this blessed night, we shall have as many moreas chamber and bower, and barn and boat-house, can furnish with beds, orwith barley-straw,--and you will leave all this behind you!"

  "And the blithe dance at night," added Brenda, in a tone betwixtreproach and vexation "and the young men from the Isle of Paba that areto dance the sword-dance, whom shall we find to match them, for thehonour of the Main?"

  "There is many a merry dancer on the mainland, Brenda," repliedMordaunt, "even if I should never rise on tiptoe again. And where gooddancers are found, Brenda Troil will always find the best partner. Imust trip it to-night through the Wastes of Dunrossness."

  "Do not say so, Mordaunt," said Minna, who, during this conversation,had been looking from the window something anxiously; "go not, to-day atleast, through the Wastes of Dunrossness."

  "And why not to-day, Minna," said Mordaunt, laughing, "any more thanto-morrow?"

  "O, the morning mist lies heavy upon yonder chain of isles, nor has itpermitted us since daybreak even a single glimpse of Fitful-head, thelofty cape that concludes yon splendid range of mountains. The fowl arewinging their way to the shore, and the shelldrake seems, through themist, as large as the scart.[19] See, the very sheerwaters and bonxiesare making to the cliffs for shelter."

  "And they will ride out a gale against a king's frigate," said herfather; "there is foul weather when they cut and run."

  "Stay, then, with us," said Minna to her friend; "the storm will bedreadful, yet it will be grand to see it from Burgh-Westra, if we haveno friend exposed to its fury. See, the air is close and sultry, thoughthe season is yet so early, and the day so calm, that not a windlestrawmoves on the heath. Stay with us, Mordaunt; the storm which these signsannounce will be a dreadful one."

  "I must be gone the sooner," was the conclusion of Mordaunt, who couldnot deny the signs, which had not escaped his own quick observation. "Ifthe storm be too fierce, I will abide for the night at Stourburgh."

  "What!" said Magnus; "will you leave us for the new chamberlain's newScotch tacksman, who is to teach all us Zetland savages new ways? Takeyour own gate, my lad, if that is the song you sing."

  "Nay," said Mordaunt; "I had only some curiosity to see the newimplements he has brought."

  "Ay, ay, ferlies make fools fain. I would like to know if his new ploughwill bear against a Zetland rock?" answered Magnus.

  "I must not pass Stourburgh on the journey," said the youth, deferringto his patron's prejudice against innovation, "if this boding weatherbring on tempest; but if it only break in rain, as is most probable, Iam not likely to be melted in the wetting."

  "It will not soften into rain alone," said Minna; "see how much heavierthe clouds fall every moment, and see these weather-gaws that streak thelead-coloured mass with partial gleams of faded red and purple."

  "I see them all," said Mordaunt; "but they only tell me I have no timeto tarry here. Adieu, Minna; I will send you the eagle's feathers, if aneagle can be found on Fair-isle or Foulah. And fare thee well, my prettyBrenda, and keep a thought for me, should the Paba men dance ever sowell."

  "Take care of yourself, since go you will," said both sisters, together.

  Old Magnus scolded them formally for supposing there was any danger toan active young fellow from a spring gale, whether by sea or land; yetended by giving his own caution also to Mordaunt, advising him seriouslyto delay his journey, or at least to stop at Stourburgh. "For," said he,"second thoughts are best; and as this Scottishman's howf lies rightunder your lee, why, take any port in a storm. But do not be assured tofind the door on latch, let the storm blow ever so hard; there are suchmatters as bolts and bars in Scotland,(_e_) though, thanks to SaintRonald, they are unknown here, save that great lock on the old Castleof Scalloway, that all men run to see--may be they make part of thisman's improvements. But go, Mordaunt, since go you will. You shoulddrink a stirrup-cup now, were you three years older, but boys shouldnever drink, excepting after dinner; I will drink it for you, that goodcustoms may not be broken, or bad luck come of it. Here is your bonally,my lad." And so saying, he quaffed a rummer glass of brandy with as muchimpunity as if it had been spring-water. Thus regretted and cautioned onall hands, Mordaunt took leave of the hospitable household, and lookingback at the comforts with which it was surrounded, and the dense smokethat rolled upwards from its chimneys, he first recollected theguestless and solitary desolation of Jarlshof, then compared with thesullen and moody melancholy of his father's temper the warm kindness ofthose whom he was leaving, and could not refrain from a sigh at thethoughts which forced themselves on his imagination.

  The signs of the tempest did not dishonour the predictions of Minna.Mordaunt had not advanced three hours on his journey, before the wind,which had been so deadly still in the morning, began at first to wailand sigh, as if bemoaning beforehand the evils which it might perpetratein its fury, like a madman in the gloomy state of dejection whichprecedes his fit of violence; then gradually increasing, the galehowled, raged, and roared, with the full fury of a northern storm. Itwas accompanied by showers of rain mixed with hail, that dashed with themost unrelenting rage against the hills and rocks with which thetraveller was surrounded, distracting his attention, in spite of hisutmost exertions, and rendering it very difficult for him to keep thedirection of his journey in a country where there is neither road, noreven the slightest track to direct the steps of the wanderer, and wherehe is often interrupted by brooks as well as large pools of water,lakes, and lagoons. All these inland waters were now lashed into sheetsof tumbling foam, much of which, carried off by the fury of thewhirlwind, was mingled with the gale, and transported far from the wavesof which it had lately made a part; while the salt relish of the driftwhich was pelted against his face, showed Mordaunt that the spray of themore distant ocean, disturbed to frenzy by the storm, was mingled withthat of the inland lakes and streams.

  Amidst this hideous combustion of the elements, Mordaunt Mertounstruggled forward as one to whom such elemental war was familiar, andwho regarded the exertions which it required to withstand its fury, butas a mark of resolution and m
anhood. He felt even, as happens usually tothose who endure great hardships, that the exertion necessary to subduethem, is in itself a kind of elevating triumph. To see and distinguishhis path when the cattle were driven from the hill, and the very fowlsfrom the firmament, was but the stronger proof of his own superiority."They shall not hear of me at Burgh-Westra," said he to himself, "asthey heard of old doited Ringan Ewenson's boat, that foundered betwixtroadstead and key. I am more of a cragsman than to mind fire or water,wave by sea, or quagmire by land." Thus he struggled on, buffeting withthe storm, supplying the want of the usual signs by which travellersdirected their progress, (for rock, mountain, and headland, wereshrouded in mist and darkness,) by the instinctive sagacity with whichlong acquaintance with these wilds had taught him to mark every minuteobject, which could serve in such circumstances to regulate his course.Thus, we repeat, he struggled onward, occasionally standing still, oreven lying down, when the gust was most impetuous; making way against itwhen it was somewhat lulled, by a rapid and bold advance even in itsvery current; or, when this was impossible, by a movement resemblingthat of a vessel working to windward by short tacks, but never yieldingone inch of the way which he had fought so hard to gain.

  Yet, notwithstanding Mordaunt's experience and resolution, his situationwas sufficiently uncomfortable, and even precarious; not because hissailor's jacket and trowsers, the common dress of young men throughthese isles when on a journey, were thoroughly wet, for that might havetaken place within the same brief time, in any ordinary day, in thiswatery climate; but the real danger was, that, notwithstanding hisutmost exertions, he made very slow way through brooks that were sendingtheir waters all abroad, through morasses drowned in double deluges ofmoisture, which rendered all the ordinary passes more than usuallydangerous, and repeatedly obliged the traveller to perform aconsiderable circuit, which in the usual case was unnecessary. Thusrepeatedly baffled, notwithstanding his youth and strength, Mordaunt,after maintaining a dogged conflict with wind, rain, and the fatigue ofa prolonged journey, was truly happy, when, not without having been morethan once mistaken in his road, he at length found himself within sightof the house of Stourburgh, or Harfra; for the names were indifferentlygiven to the residence of Mr. Triptolemus Yellowley, who was the chosenmissionary of the Chamberlain of Orkney and Zetland, a speculativeperson, who designed, through the medium of Triptolemus, to introduceinto the _Ultima Thule_ of the Romans, a spirit of improvement, which atthat early period was scarce known to exist in Scotland itself.

  At length, and with much difficulty, Mordaunt reached the house of thisworthy agriculturist, the only refuge from the relentless storm which hecould hope to meet with for several miles; and going straight to thedoor, with the most undoubting confidence of instant admission, he wasnot a little surprised to find it not merely latched, which the weathermight excuse, but even bolted, a thing which, as Magnus Troil hasalready intimated, was almost unknown in the Archipelago. To knock, tocall, and finally to batter the door with staff and stones, were thenatural resources of the youth, who was rendered alike impatient by thepelting of the storm, and by encountering such most unexpected andunusual obstacles to instant admission. As he was suffered, however, formany minutes to exhaust his impatience in noise and clamour, withoutreceiving any reply, we will employ them in informing the reader whoTriptolemus Yellowley was, and how he came by a name so singular.

  Old Jasper Yellowley, the father of Triptolemus, (though born at thefoot of Roseberry-Topping,) had been _come over_ by a certain nobleScottish Earl, who, proving too far north for canny Yorkshire, hadpersuaded him to accept of a farm in the Mearns, where, it isunnecessary to add, he found matters very different from what he hadexpected. It was in vain that the stout farmer set manfully to work, tocounterbalance, by superior skill, the inconveniences arising from acold soil and a weeping climate. These might have been probablyovercome; but his neighbourhood to the Grampians exposed him eternallyto that species of visitation from the plaided gentry, who dwelt withintheir skirts, which made young Norval a warrior and a hero, but onlyconverted Jasper Yellowley into a poor man. This was, indeed, balancedin some sort by the impression which his ruddy cheek and robust form hadthe fortune to make upon Miss Barbara Clinkscale, daughter to theumquhile, and sister to the then existing, Clinkscale of that ilk.

  This was thought a horrid and unnatural union in the neighbourhood,considering that the house of Clinkscale had at least as great a shareof Scottish pride as of Scottish parsimony, and was amply endowed withboth. But Miss Babie had her handsome fortune of two thousand marks ather own disposal, was a woman of spirit who had been _major_ and _suijuris_, (as the writer who drew the contract assured her,) for fulltwenty years; so she set consequences and commentaries alike atdefiance, and wedded the hearty Yorkshire yeoman. Her brother and hermore wealthy kinsmen drew off in disgust, and almost disowned theirdegraded relative. But the house of Clinkscale was allied (like everyother family in Scotland at the time) to a set of relations who were notso nice--tenth and sixteenth cousins, who not only acknowledged theirkinswoman Babie after her marriage with Yellowley but even condescendedto eat beans and bacon (though the latter was then the abomination ofthe Scotch as much as of the Jews) with her husband, and wouldwillingly have cemented the friendship by borrowing a little cash fromhim, had not his good lady (who understood trap as well as any woman inthe Mearns) put a negative on this advance to intimacy. Indeed she knewhow to make young Deilbelicket,(_f_) old Dougald Baresword, the Laird ofBandybrawl, and others, pay for the hospitality which she did not thinkproper to deny them, by rendering them useful in her negotiations withthe lighthanded lads beyond the Cairn, who, finding their late object ofplunder was now allied to "kend folks, and owned by them at kirk andmarket," became satisfied, on a moderate yearly composition, to desistfrom their depredations.

  This eminent success reconciled Jasper to the dominion which his wifebegan to assume over him; and which was much confirmed by her proving tobe--let me see--what is the prettiest mode of expressing it?--in thefamily way. On this occasion, Mrs. Yellowley had a remarkable dream, asis the usual practice of teeming mothers previous to the birth of anillustrious offspring. She "was a-dreamed," as her husband expressed it,that she was safely delivered of a plough, drawn by three yoke ofAngus-shire oxen; and being a mighty investigator into such portents,she sat herself down with her gossips, to consider what the thing mightmean. Honest Jasper ventured, with much hesitation, to intimate his ownopinion, that the vision had reference rather to things past than thingsfuture, and might have been occasioned by his wife's nerves having beena little startled by meeting in the loan above the house his own greatplough with the six oxen, which were the pride of his heart. But thegood _cummers_[20] raised such a hue and cry against this exposition,that Jasper was fain to put his fingers in his ears, and to run out ofthe apartment.

  "Hear to him," said an old whigamore carline--"hear to him, wi' hisowsen, that are as an idol to him, even as the calf of Bethel! Na,na--it's nae pleugh of the flesh that the bonny lad-bairn--for a lad itsall be--sall e'er striddle between the stilts o'--it's the pleugh ofthe spirit--and I trust mysell to see him wag the head o' him in apu'pit; or, what's better, on a hill-side."

  "Now the deil's in your whiggery," said the old Lady Glenprosing; "wadye hae our cummer's bonny lad-bairn wag the head aff his shouthers likeyour godly Mess James Guthrie,(_g_) that ye hald such a claveringabout?--Na, na, he sall walk a mair siccar path, and be a daintycurate--and say he should live to be a bishop, what the waur wad he be?"

  The gauntlet thus fairly flung down by one sibyl, was caught up byanother, and the controversy between presbytery and episcopacy raged,roared, or rather screamed, a round of cinnamon-water serving only likeoil to the flame, till Jasper entered with the plough-staff; and by theawe of his presence, and the shame of misbehaving "before the strangerman," imposed some conditions of silence upon the disputants.

  I do not know whether it was impatience to give to the light a beingdestined to such high and doubtful f
ates, or whether poor Dame Yellowleywas rather frightened at the hurly-burly which had taken place in herpresence, but she was taken suddenly ill; and, contrary to the formulain such cases used and provided, was soon reported to be "a good dealworse than was to be expected." She took the opportunity (having stillall her wits about her) to extract from her sympathetic husband twopromises; first, that he would christen the child, whose birth was liketo cost her so dear, by a name indicative of the vision with which shehad been favoured; and next, that he would educate him for the ministry.The canny Yorkshireman, thinking she had a good title at present todictate in such matters, subscribed to all she required. A man-child wasaccordingly born under these conditions, but the state of the mother didnot permit her for many days to enquire how far they had been compliedwith. When she was in some degree convalescent, she was informed, thatas it was thought fit the child should be immediately christened, it hadreceived the name of Triptolemus; the Curate, who was a man of someclassical skill, conceiving that this epithet contained a handsome andclassical allusion to the visionary plough, with its triple yoke ofoxen. Mrs. Yellowley was not much delighted with the manner in which herrequest had been complied with; but grumbling being to as little purposeas in the celebrated case of Tristram Shandy, she e'en sat downcontented with the heathenish name, and endeavoured to counteract theeffects it might produce upon the taste and feelings of the nominee, bysuch an education as might put him above the slightest thought of sacks,coulters, stilts, mould-boards, or any thing connected with the serviledrudgery of the plough.

  Jasper, sage Yorkshireman, smiled slyly in his sleeve, conceiving thatyoung Trippie was likely to prove a chip of the old block, and wouldrather take after the jolly Yorkshire yeoman, than the gentle butsomewhat _aigre_ blood of the house of Clinkscale. He remarked, withsuppressed glee, that the tune which best answered the purpose of alullaby was the "Ploughman's Whistle," and the first words the infantlearned to stammer were the names of the oxen; moreover, that the "bern"preferred home-brewed ale to Scotch twopenny, and never quitted hold ofthe tankard with so much reluctance as when there had been, by somemanoeuvre of Jasper's own device, a double straik of malt allowed to thebrewing, above that which was sanctioned by the most liberal recipe, ofwhich his dame's household thrift admitted. Besides this, when no othermeans could be fallen upon to divert an occasional fit of squalling, hisfather observed that Trip could be always silenced by jingling a bridleat his ear. From all which symptoms he used to swear in private, thatthe boy would prove true Yorkshire, and mother and mother's kin wouldhave small share of him.

  Meanwhile, and within a year after the birth of Triptolemus, Mrs.Yellowley bore a daughter, named after herself Barbara, who, even inearliest infancy, exhibited the pinched nose and thin lips by which theClinkscale family were distinguished amongst the inhabitants of theMearns; and as her childhood advanced, the readiness with which sheseized, and the tenacity wherewith she detained, the playthings ofTriptolemus, besides a desire to bite, pinch, and scratch, on slight, orno provocation, were all considered by attentive observers as proofs,that Miss Babie would prove "her mother over again." Malicious peopledid not stick to say, that the acrimony of the Clinkscale blood had not,on this occasion, been cooled and sweetened by that of Old England;that young Deilbelicket was much about the house, and they could not butthink it odd that Mrs. Yellowley, who, as the whole world knew, gavenothing for nothing, should be so uncommonly attentive to heap thetrencher, and to fill the caup, of an idle blackguard ne'er-do-weel. Butwhen folk had once looked upon the austere and awfully virtuouscountenance of Mrs. Yellowley, they did full justice to her propriety ofconduct, and Deilbelicket's delicacy of taste.

  Meantime young Triptolemus, having received such instructions as theCurate could give him, (for though Dame Yellowley adhered to thepersecuted remnant, her jolly husband, edified by the black gown andprayer-book, still conformed to the church as by law established,) was,in due process of time, sent to Saint Andrews to prosecute his studies.He went, it is true; but with an eye turned back with sad remembranceson his father's plough, his father's pancakes, and his father's ale, forwhich the small-beer of the college, commonly there termed"thorough-go-nimble," furnished a poor substitute. Yet he advanced inhis learning, being found, however, to show a particular favour to suchauthors of antiquity as had made the improvement of the soil the objectof their researches. He endured the Bucolics of Virgil--the Georgics hehad by heart--but the Aeneid he could not away with; and he wasparticularly severe upon the celebrated line expressing a charge ofcavalry, because, as he understood the word _putrem_,[21] he opined thatthe combatants, in their inconsiderate ardour, galloped over anew-manured ploughed field. Cato, the Roman Censor was his favouriteamong classical heroes and philosophers, not on account of thestrictness of his morals, but because of his treatise, _de Re Rustica_.He had ever in his mouth the phrase of Cicero, _Jam neminem anteponesCatoni_. He thought well of Palladius, and of Terentius Varro, butColumella was his pocket-companion. To these ancient worthies, he addedthe more modern Tusser, Hartlib, and other writers on rural economics,not forgetting the lucubrations of the Shepherd of Salisbury Plain, andsuch of the better-informed Philomaths, who, instead of loading theiralmanacks with vain predictions of political events, pretended to seewhat seeds would grow and what would not, and direct the attention oftheir readers to that course of cultivation from which the production ofgood crops may be safely predicted; modest sages, in fine, who, carelessof the rise and downfall of empires, content themselves with pointingout the fit seasons to reap and sow, with a fair guess at the weatherwhich each month will be likely to present; as, for example, that ifHeaven pleases, we shall have snow in January, and the author will stakehis reputation that July proves, on the whole, a month of sunshine. Now,although the Rector of Saint Leonard's was greatly pleased, in general,with the quiet, laborious, and studious bent of Triptolemus Yellowley,and deemed him, in so far, worthy of a name of four syllables having aLatin termination, yet he relished not, by any means, his exclusiveattention to his favourite authors. It savoured of the earth, he said,if not of something worse, to have a man's mind always grovelling inmould, stercorated or unstercorated; and he pointed out, but in vain,history, and poetry, and divinity, as more elevating subjects ofoccupation. Triptolemus Yellowley was obstinate in his own course: Ofthe battle of Pharsalia, he thought not as it affected the freedom ofthe world, but dwelt on the rich crop which the Emathian fields werelikely to produce the next season. In vernacular poetry, Triptolemuscould scarce be prevailed upon to read a single couplet, excepting oldTusser, as aforesaid, whose Hundred Points of Good Husbandry he had gotby heart; and excepting also Piers Ploughman's Vision, which, charmedwith the title, he bought with avidity from a packman, but after readingthe two first pages, flung it into the fire as an impudent and misnamedpolitical libel. As to divinity, he summed that matter up by remindinghis instructors, that to labour the earth and win his bread with thetoil of his body and sweat of his brow, was the lot imposed upon fallenman; and, for his part, he was resolved to discharge, to the best of hisabilities, a task so obviously necessary to existence, leaving others tospeculate as much as they would, upon the more recondite mysteries oftheology.

  With a spirit so much narrowed and limited to the concerns of rurallife, it may be doubted whether the proficiency of Triptolemus inlearning, or the use he was like to make of his acquisitions, would havemuch gratified the ambitious hope of his affectionate mother. It istrue, he expressed no reluctance to embrace the profession of aclergyman, which suited well enough with the habitual personal indolencewhich sometimes attaches to speculative dispositions. He had views, tospeak plainly, (I wish they were peculiar to himself,) of cultivatingthe _glebe_ six days in the week, preaching on the seventh with dueregularity, and dining with some fat franklin or country laird, withwhom he could smoke a pipe and drink a tankard after dinner, and mix insecret conference on the exhaustless subject,

  Quid faciat laetas segetes.

  Now, this plan, besides that
it indicated nothing of what was thencalled the root of the matter, implied necessarily the possession of amanse; and the possession of a manse inferred compliance with thedoctrines of prelacy, and other enormities of the time. There was somequestion how far manse and glebe, stipend, both victual and money, mighthave outbalanced the good lady's predisposition towards Presbytery; buther zeal was not put to so severe a trial. She died before her son hadcompleted his studies, leaving her afflicted spouse just as disconsolateas was to be expected. The first act of old Jasper's undividedadministration was to recall his son from Saint Andrews, in order toobtain his assistance in his domestic labours. And here it might havebeen supposed that our Triptolemus, summoned to carry into practice whathe had so fondly studied in theory, must have been, to use a similewhich _he_ would have thought lively, like a cow entering upon a cloverpark. Alas, mistaken thoughts, and deceitful hopes of mankind!

  A laughing philosopher, the Democritus of our day, once, in a morallecture, compared human life to a table pierced with a number of holes,each of which has a pin made exactly to fit it, but which pins beingstuck in hastily, and without selection, chance leads inevitably to themost awkward mistakes. "For how often do we see," the oratorpathetically concluded,--"how often, I say, do we see the round manstuck into the three-cornered hole!" This new illustration of thevagaries of fortune set every one present into convulsions of laughter,excepting one fat alderman, who seemed to make the case his own, andinsisted that it was no jesting matter. To take up the simile, however,which is an excellent one, it is plain that Triptolemus Yellowley hadbeen shaken out of the bag at least a hundred years too soon. If he hadcome on the stage in our own time, that is, if he had flourished at anytime within these thirty or forty years, he could not have missed tohave held the office of vice-president of some eminent agriculturalsociety, and to have transacted all the business thereof under theauspices of some noble duke or lord, who, as the matter might happen,either knew, or did not know, the difference betwixt a horse and a cart,and a cart-horse. He could not have missed such preferment, for he wasexceedingly learned in all those particulars, which, being of noconsequence in actual practice, go, of course, a great way to constitutethe character of a connoisseur in any art, and especially inagriculture. But, alas! Triptolemus Yellowley had, as we already havehinted, come into the world at least a century too soon for, instead ofsitting in an arm-chair, with a hammer in his hand, and a bumper of portbefore him, giving forth the toast,--"To breeding, in all its branches,"his father planted him betwixt the stilts of a plough, and invited himto guide the oxen, on whose beauties he would, in our day, havedescanted, and whose rumps he would not have goaded, but have carved.Old Jasper complained, that although no one talked so well of common andseveral, wheat and rape, fallow and lea, as his learned son, (whom healways called Tolimus,) yet, "dang it," added the Seneca, "noughtthrives wi' un--nought thrives wi' un!" It was still worse, when Jasper,becoming frail and ancient, was obliged, as happened in the course of afew years, gradually to yield up the reins of government to theacademical neophyte.

  As if Nature had meant him a spite, he had got one of the _dourest_ andmost intractable farms in the Mearns, to try conclusions withal, a placewhich seemed to yield every thing but what the agriculturist wanted; forthere were plenty of thistles, which indicates dry land; and store offern, which is said to intimate deep land; and nettles, which show wherelime hath been applied; and deep furrows in the most unlikely spots,which intimated that it had been cultivated in former days by thePeghts, as popular tradition bore. There was also enough of stones tokeep the ground warm, according to the creed of some farmers, and greatabundance of springs to render it cool and sappy, according to thetheory of others. It was in vain that, acting alternately on theseopinions, poor Triptolemus endeavoured to avail himself of the supposedcapabilities of the soil. No kind of butter that might be churned couldbe made to stick upon his own bread, any more than on that of poorTusser, whose Hundred Points of Good Husbandry, so useful to others ofhis day, were never to himself worth as many pennies.[22]

  In fact, excepting an hundred acres of infield, to which old Jasper hadearly seen the necessity of limiting his labours, there was not acorner of the farm fit for any thing but to break plough-graith, andkill cattle. And then, as for the part which was really tilled with someprofit, the expense of the farming establishment of Triptolemus, and hisdisposition to experiment, soon got rid of any good arising from thecultivation of it. "The carles and the cart-avers," he confessed, with asigh, speaking of his farm-servants and horses, "make it all, and thecarles and cart-avers eat it all;" a conclusion which might sum up theyear-book of many a gentleman farmer.

  Matters would have soon been brought to a close with Triptolemus in thepresent day. He would have got a bank-credit, manoeuvred withwind-bills, dashed out upon a large scale, and soon have seen his cropand stock sequestered by the Sheriff; but in those days a man could notruin himself so easily. The whole Scottish tenantry stood upon the samelevel flat of poverty, so that it was extremely difficult to find anyvantage ground, by climbing up to which a man might have an opportunityof actually breaking his neck with some eclat. They were pretty much inthe situation of people, who, being totally without credit, may indeedsuffer from indigence, but cannot possibly become bankrupt. Besides,notwithstanding the failure of Triptolemus's projects, there was to bebalanced against the expenditure which they occasioned, all the savingswhich the extreme economy of his sister Barbara could effect; and intruth her exertions were wonderful. She might have realized, if any onecould, the idea of the learned philosopher, who pronounced that sleepingwas a fancy, and eating but a habit, and who appeared to the world tohave renounced both, until it was unhappily discovered that he had anintrigue with the cook-maid of the family, who indemnified him for hisprivations by giving him private entree to the pantry, and to a share ofher own couch. But no such deceptions were practised by BarbaraYellowley. She was up early, and down late, and seemed, to herover-watched and over-tasked maidens, to be as _wakerife_ as the catherself. Then, for eating, it appeared that the air was a banquet toher, and she would fain have made it so to her retinue. Her brother,who, besides being lazy in his person, was somewhat luxurious in hisappetite, would willingly now and then have tasted a mouthful of animalfood, were it but to know how his sheep were fed off; but a proposal toeat a child could not have startled Mistress Barbara more; and, being ofa compliant and easy disposition, Triptolemus reconciled himself to thenecessity of a perpetual Lent, too happy when he could get a scrap ofbutter to his oaten cake, or (as they lived on the banks of the Esk)escape the daily necessity of eating salmon, whether in or out ofseason, six days out of the seven.

  But although Mrs. Barbara brought faithfully to the joint stock allsavings which her awful powers of economy accomplished to scrapetogether, and although the dower of their mother was by degreesexpended, or nearly so, in aiding them upon extreme occasions, the termat length approached when it seemed impossible that they could sustainthe conflict any longer against the evil star of Triptolemus, as hecalled it himself, or the natural result of his absurd speculations, asit was termed by others. Luckily at this sad crisis, a god jumped downto their relief out of a machine. In plain English, the noble lord, whoowned their farm, arrived at his mansion-house in their neighbourhood,with his coach and six and his running footmen, in the full splendourof the seventeenth century.

  This person of quality was the son of the nobleman who had brought theancient Jasper into the country from Yorkshire, and he was, like hisfather, a fanciful and scheming man.[23] He had schemed well forhimself, however, amid the mutations of the time, having obtained, for acertain period of years, the administration of the remote islands ofOrkney and Zetland, for payment of a certain rent, with the right ofmaking the most of whatever was the property or revenue of the crown inthese districts, under the title of Lord Chamberlain. Now, his lordshiphad become possessed with a notion, in itself a very true one, that muchmight be done to render this grant available, by improving
the cultureof the crown lands, both in Orkney and Zetland; and then having someacquaintance with our friend Triptolemus, he thought (rather lesshappily) that he might prove a person capable of furthering his schemes.He sent for him to the great Hallhouse, and was so much edified by theway in which our friend laid down the law upon every given subjectrelating to rural economy, that he lost no time in securing theco-operation of so valuable an assistant, the first step being torelease him from his present unprofitable farm.

  The terms were arranged much to the mind of Triptolemus, who had alreadybeen taught, by many years' experience, a dark sort of notion, thatwithout undervaluing or doubting for a moment his own skill, it would bequite as well that almost all the trouble and risk should be at theexpense of his employer. Indeed, the hopes of advantage which he heldout to his patron were so considerable, that the Lord Chamberlaindropped every idea of admitting his dependent into any share of theexpected profits; for, rude as the arts of agriculture were in Scotland,they were far superior to those known and practised in the regions ofThule, and Triptolemus Yellowley conceived himself to be possessed of adegree of insight into these mysteries, far superior to what waspossessed or practised even in the Mearns. The improvement, therefore,which was to be expected, would bear a double proportion, and the LordChamberlain was to reap all the profit, deducting a handsome salary forhis steward Yellowley, together with the accommodation of a house anddomestic farm, for the support of his family. Joy seized the heart ofMistress Barbara, at hearing this happy termination of what threatenedto be so very bad an affair as the lease of Cauldacres.

  "If we cannot," she said, "provide for our own house, when all is comingin, and nothing going out, surely we must be worse than infidels!"

  Triptolemus was a busy man for some time, huffing and puffing, andeating and drinking in every changehouse, while he ordered and collectedtogether proper implements of agriculture, to be used by the natives ofthese devoted islands, whose destinies were menaced with this formidablechange. Singular tools these would seem, if presented before a modernagricultural society; but every thing is relative, nor could the heavycartload of timber, called the old Scots plough, seem less strange to aScottish farmer of this present day, than the corslets and casques ofthe soldiers of Cortes might seem to a regiment of our own army. Yet thelatter conquered Mexico, and undoubtedly the former would have been asplendid improvement on the state of agriculture in Thule.

  We have never been able to learn why Triptolemus preferred fixing hisresidence in Zetland, to becoming an inhabitant of the Orkneys. Perhapshe thought the inhabitants of the latter Archipelago the more simple anddocile of the two kindred tribes; or perhaps he considered the situationof the house and farm he himself was to occupy, (which was indeed atolerable one,) as preferable to that which he had it in his power tohave obtained upon Pomona (so the main island of the Orkneys isentitled). At Harfra, or, as it was sometimes called, Stourburgh, fromthe remains of a Pictish fort, which was almost close to themansion-house, the factor settled himself, in the plenitude of hisauthority; determined to honour the name he bore by his exertions, inprecept and example, to civilize the Zetlanders, and improve their veryconfined knowledge in the primary arts of human life.

  FOOTNOTES:

  [19] The cormorant; which may be seen frequently dashing in wild flightalong the roosts and tides of Zetland, and yet more often drawn up inranks on some ledge of rock, like a body of the Black Brunswickers in181.

  [20] _i. e._ Gossips.

  [21] Quadrupedumque putrem sonitu quatit ungula campum.

  [22] This is admitted by the English agriculturist:--

  "My music since has been the plough, Entangled with some care among; The gain not great, the pain enough, Hath made me sing another song."

  [23] GOVERNMENT OF ZETLAND.--At the period supposed, the Earls of Mortonheld the islands of Orkney and Zetland, originally granted in 1643,confirmed in 1707, and rendered absolute in 1742. This gave the familymuch property and influence, which they usually exercised by factors,named chamberlains. In 1766 this property was sold by the then Earl ofMorton to Sir Lawrence Dundas, by whose son, Lord Dundas, it is nowheld.